So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
