the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
