is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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