Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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