it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
