can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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