It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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