Im at strip club and am horny
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
