he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
