I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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