had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
