Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
