Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
