she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
