I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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