i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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