sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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