I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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