You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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