I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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