also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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