Dual....:-)
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
