I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
