Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize
