So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
