im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
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