Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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