I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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