How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
