I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
