I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
