This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
