It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
