I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
