he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just cropdusted the office
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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