She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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