No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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