just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
