You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
