also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
