I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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