i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
