i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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