hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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