i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
