end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
