I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
we should paint friendship bongs
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