How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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