either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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