I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Fuck me I smell like cheese
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
