1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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