I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
